Faint
by XtinethePirate
Summary: After the war, a promise broken and a broken heart. Duo's POV
1. Prologue

  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. All I own is a twisted and rather sadistic imagination that prompts me to write these fics. At least the voices aren't talking to me today...  
Neither do I own Linkin Park or its songs... only some of its band members. (Sssh! It's a secret!)  
  
**This fic contains some mild implications of shônen-ai. If you don't like that, I don't want to hear it. Go read something else!  
  
**For everybody else, please R&R, and thanks for reading!!  
  
May 10 2004  
  
**Faint**  
  
**Prologue**  
  
_I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard....  
  
_I stared at the front page of the newspaper, hearing my heart pounding oddly in my ears. A roaring noise echoed through my head, blocking out any semblance of rational thought. 

"Former Queen of the World Marries! Loyal Protector her Husband to Be!"

He was smiling in the pictures – "4 Pages of Colour Photos!" – his clear, deep blue eyes alight with a happiness that I had never seen there before. Instead of being stiff or awkward in his suit – a perfect match to the colour of his eyes—he seemed relaxed, at ease with the hundreds of thousands of spectators.

Here he was standing by the alter.  
  
Here he slipped the ring on Relena's finger.  
  
Here he kissed her....  
  
Kissed _her._  
  
My heart went cold inside me; my thoughts number under the enormity of my disbelief.

'_He said he would come back for me....'_

-----

Owarii!!  
  
Prologue complete, sorry it's so short! TBC!!!


	2. Memories

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of them. Don't sue me. ((Hmm... as if the creators of Gundam Wing are _actually_ going to read this and find out..... ))  
  
This involves shônen-ai. Nothing graphic, but it's there. I don't want to hear it if you don't like that. Try being open-minded, or go read something else.  
  
**To Everybody else, thank you and enjoy the fic! You all are AWESOME!  
BTW, this Chapter starts in a flashback, so that's why it's all italicized. It's not your eyes, don't worry!  
  
note: items in double brackets, (( )) are thoughts, generally italicised (or not, if everything else is in italics...) Items between double colons (**:: :: **) and italicised (or not) are song lyrics. Hope that made sense to _somebody_, so they can explain it to me.  
  
**  
Chapter 1 :** **Memories  
  
**  
  
**::**Handful of complaints, but I can't help the fact that every one can see these scars....**::**  
_  
"Coward!" I screamed at him, pounding my fists erratically on his chest, willing him to hurt. "What good would your death do, huh?"  
  
He caught my wrist effortlessly, holding it in his iron grip until I gave up struggling and pulled back from him. _

_I watched his expression change from impassive to shocked, to consternation, before retreating back to a neutral wariness. One hand moved to cup my cheek._

_'You're crying," he whispered, looking lost and confused._

_I barked a laugh, brushing his hand away roughly, though my heart had thrilled at his touch. "Yeah, well, I'm not the 'Perfect Soldier' that you are, alright?" I could feel my face flush, and I stared down at the floor, humiliated._

((Stupid stupid stupid, to let him see you cry. As if he'll know why, as if he'd care...))_  
_

_"I made you cry." _

_The words dropped heavily into the stillness, causing me to look up at him through my bangs. _

_He reached out his hand, as though to touch my face again, but hesitated, uncertain of himself. Awkwardly, he let his arm drop back to his side. I had never seen him look so out of place, so unsure._

_His intense gaze never for a moment left mine.  
  
"I'm sorry, Duo."  
  
He was serious. Mr. Perfect, Mission--Complete, Let's--Self--Destruct--For--A--Lark Soldier had apologized to me, and had _meant_ it. _

_I was still pissed at him though._

_"All of us are on the same sort of missions, Heero, we all fight for the same thing," I advanced on him, working myself into a fury. He stepped back, eyes growing wide. "God knows it's hard enough, Heero, but none of us have _ever_ tried to take the easy way out and kill ourselves! Only someone as _spineless_ as –"_

_He slammed me back against the wall, one hand easily encircling my throat. His face was flushed with anger, his eyes dark pits of rage. He could kill me easily; I could see it in his face. I had never seen him so angry. _

_Somehow, it only served to drain all my anger away, leaving only a vague sense of pity and regret._

**::**I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel...**::**

_"It isn't enough to merely act on your emotions, in battle, Heero," I said quietly, holding his gaze with no trace of fear, "You have to _live_ too, experiencing those emotions in, " I shook my head, "I don't know, regular life? We don't _have_ regular lives... but that doesn't mean we try to kill ourselves."  
  
Slowly, he relaxed his grip, backing away from me. I could see him carefully considering my words, with all the diligence that the "Perfect Soldier" applied to everything in his life.  
  
He was afraid. _

_I could see it in his eyes. Afraid that I was right, that he hadn't been living – merely existing – and afraid what truly being alive would entail. Heero couldn't cope with that fear; a fear of something he didn't understand. Reflex would make him flee that, retreat, regroup, reassess his plans. Just like any mission._

_Fuck that._

_I placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling the tension snap back into him at my touch. He shivered slightly, anxiety singing through his body. _

_"Did you think no one would care?"_

_His shoulders hunched up against my question. I could read the answer plainly._

((yes.))

_I turned him to face me slowly, beginning to smile. A sad smile; it wasn't supposed to be like this....  
  
His breathing had sped up, though he had always controlled himself perfectly before. His heart must have been racing; I could feel the fluttering of his pulse as I stroked his neck. He knew how to cope with pain, anger, suffering, death... this was completely foreign to him.  
  
He was terrified of me. _

_Terrified of what I might do, anticipating whatever hurt that was to accompany my gentle smile. _

**::**But it's like, not matter what I do, I can't convince you to just believe this is real.**::**  
  
_The idea that I might not want to hurt him hadn't even crossed his mind. Life was pain. He had no friends. He never got close to people, because he knew they'd only hurt him. It was better to stay away._

_My poor, suffering angel._

_"Duo..." he gasped out my name, flinching away from my caress. His eyes bored into mine, as though he could read my thoughts._

_"I won't let you ignore me any longer, Heero."  
  
I kissed him then, smiling against his lips as all the tension suddenly drained out of his form, his arms wrapping around me, crushing me into his embrace. Our tongues met, softly at first, then with increasing passion as the kiss deepened. He whispered my name against my hair, hands sliding underneath my shirt. _

_I closed my eyes, feeling, for the first time, complete.  
  
_**::**So I let go, watching you,**::**

_He was gone when I woke up.  
_

**::**Turn your back like you always do.**::**  
  
_"It was a mistake," he said coldly, standing with his back to me.  
  
My lips, still bruised with his kisses, couldn't form a coherent reply.  
  
_((What are you saying?))  
  
**::**Face away and pretend that I'm not...**::**

_"We're at war, Duo. There isn't..." he shook his head roughly, "There shouldn't be any distractions from our mission. You are a distraction. We should be focusing on our objectives, not..." he looked disgusted with himself, "...not just fucking aroun---"_

_I backhanded him across the face, pulling him into a kiss before he could recover, my fingers clenched in his spiky dark hair._

_He fought me for a minute, resisting. Every kiss was like that, a struggle for dominance between two soldiers. _

_I didn't care._

**::**...But I'll be here, 'cause you're all that I've got.**::**

----  
  
_"I'm not asking you for forever right now," I murmured, leaning my forehead on his chest, gripping the green fabric of his shirt tightly. I didn't want to let him go._

_"I have to follow our mission," he sighed, resting his cheek against my hair, though I knew his gaze was resting on his abandoned computer._

_I closed my eyes, seeking solace in the warmth of his arms. "You're supposed to act on your emotions. When are you actually going to _feel _them?"_

_He didn't reply, twining the end of my braid between his fingers._

**::**You're all that I've got.**::**

----

_"I can't think about happiness now," He whispered in my ear, pulling me closer against him._

_The sheets whispered against my skin as I nuzzled his neck. "You always say that."_

_He sat up, distancing himself from me. I winced at the silent blow. Love hurts, I had always been told that. I hadn't expected it to be so true. Heero's heart was still cold and remote to me; only rarely did I find a weakness, a crack in the ice. His eyes would light up when he looked at me sometimes, a smile tracing his stern lips...._

_Sometimes._

_Far more often did I find myself locked out, pounding at the walled room of his heart, begging to be let in._

_"This is the last time, Duo," he said firmly._

_My heart plummeted. I stared at him in silence._

((You told me...))

_"Zechs is leading White Fang now."  
  
_((...told me...))  
  
_"The war between him and Treize could swallow the Earth and the colonies."  
  
_((that you lo--))  
  
_"Promise me," I whispered, peering into the shadows, anxiously seeking his face._

((...that you loved me.))

_Slowly, I rose, gathering the bedclothes around me as I padded across the room. I halted in the cool pool of silver moonlight that flooded into the cramped room. Not knowing exactly where he stood in the darkness, I willed my voice to calm, my gaze wandering. _

_"If you tell me now that you don't care about me Heero, I'll leave now, and never come back. You won't have to ever see me again."_

_A sharp cry, quickly bitten off, came from my right. I heard the unguarded denial in that soft noise, and managed a ghost of a smile._

_"You told me, once, that you loved me...." I hesitated, but he didn't speak again. The room suddenly felt empty, filled only with crushing silence. I sank to the ground, pulling the thin sheet over my shoulders against the chill, closing my eyes tightly. Tears squeezed out from beneath my eyelids, liquid diamonds in the moonlight that traced my cheeks and speckled the sheet._

((It was all a lie.))

_Soft footsteps, rustlings of movement, a warm figure behind me, enfolding me into his arms._

_"I meant it too," he replied, his lips brushing my damp cheeks, "and once I've killed Zechs, I'll come back and find you...."_

**::**You're all that I've**...::**

Only he never did.

Exactly one year after Treize died, and the battleship Libra was destroyed, he came back with haunted eyes, his terse message of "Relena's been kidnapped." his only greeting.

For a year, I had thought him dead.

I had missed him, had dreamed of him only to cry upon waking, finding myself alone again. The war was still going on around us, however. I could only hope that he would cling to the memory of his promise.

Staring with blank eyes at the mocking headlines of every newspaper, I realised that he had not.

-------  
  
OWARIIII!!!  
  
A/N, the parts in italics were sometimes separated by ------ lines between paragraphs. Don't know if anyone actually noticed . Anyhoo, this was meant to show different moments in time between the two of them, ok?  
  
PLEEEEEZ R&R, it is very important to me that you do! I'll start typing up the next chapter soon!  
  
Arr. Xtine the Pirate


	3. Betrayals

Hello again everybody!! ((Well, by everybody, I mean, Dana-chu, HeeroDuo4eva, and Sunny Dragoness, you being the only people who have read this so far....))

**Dana**: You've read this before at school, so sorry; you don't count.

**HeeroDuo4eva**: I know, I know, usually I refrain from having the detestable Relena in any fic, except as someone to mock.... This time I just had to be mean.  
Sorry!

**Sunny Dragoness**: Once again, you are the most AWSOME reviewer EVER!! I sympathize with everything you said. Can't stand Relena, and I'm making Heero act like a prick. The sad thing is; I _like_ Duo!!!! Hate to see what I'd do to him if I didn't... twisted; I'm just twisted. Email me sometime, that'd be cool.  
  
This Chapter's for you guys!!  
  
Dana, Sunny and HeeroDuo: whooo, lucky us....  
  
Xtine: [drops dead under astounding weight of sarcasm]  
**  
Disclaimer: **_'Tis a strange fate that we must suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing... such a little thing....  
_  
**Lawyers: **[tapping briefcases] It's not a small thing to _us**.**_**  
  
Boromir: **Yeah. And stop stealing my lines. Wait. Aren't I dead?**  
  
Xtine: **I thought that this was supposed to be an angsty fic. Ah well...  
  
**  
  
Chapter Two: Betrayals**

Everyone else left.

Quatre and Trowa went off together, basking in the rosy glow of a happiness that I knew I could never be a part of. I hated them, in some small corner of my heart. They had found each other; found some small measure of grace in the years of bloody war and the loss of innocence.

They stayed together.

I hated them for that.

When the two of them were together, the rest of the world ceased to exist. It was the sort of love I had never had with Heero; my cold, calculating, perfect Heero.

With him, it was me who ceased to exist.

But sometimes, that glimpse, so small as to be almost invisible to the casual glance. It was enough to keep me holding on to him, pleading, praying, as more and more wounds were inflicted on my soul.

_**::**I can't feel the way I did before.**::**_

Wufei was the next one to leave our team, following Sally Po into the Preventers...and into her arms.

Theirs was a love I couldn't even pretend to understand. They fought constantly, every day threatening to end it forever.

And yet....

And yet I would look into his dark eyes and see only exasperated affection, see his small smile whenever he looked at her. He was lucky, to have someone to love and to love him in return. Not everyone's stories had ended so happily.

Zechs.

He had been our greatest rival during the Eve Wars, and our uneasy ally afterwards.

He hadn't been so fortunate.

Zechs had loved Treize, madly, with his entire being. It had taken him nearly a year to recover from bereavement following his lover's death. A year... after which everything he had loved had been made a lie, in the form of one small girl. Mariemaea Khushrenada.

I had spoken with him shortly after Dekim's plans had been averted; had seen that deep sadness in his cool eyes.

His eyes always made me think of Heero, somehow; so alike, and yet so different. They were both so much stronger than I, both so remote, both so infuriatingly capable. It had been Zechs who had been there when Hilde left – the rest of my "friends" were too busy to bother.

Hilde.

Her leaving hurt worst of all.

After two years of partnership and casual flirtation, she had found me crying alone. Heero had vanished once again, even though Relena was safe; the world at peace.

Concern writ on her face, quiet assurances that it would be all right, that I could tell her what was wrong had lulled me...stupid, really.

I had made the mistake of telling her about Heero.

My love, my hopes, my bitter, bitter disappointment.

She spat at me, revulsion in her eyes.

_"You disgust me." _A step backwards.

_"You're going to hell." _An unconscious gesture, grasping at her cross._  
  
_((stop it stop it **_stop it_**....))  
  
"_It's unnatural, it says so in the Bible." _Turning her back...._  
  
_((please....))  
  
"_I'll pray for your soul." _....walking away.

Leaving me alone again.

_**::**Don't turn your back on me...**::**_

But Wufei was ensnared in the joys of marital bliss.

Quatre and Trowa only saw each other.  
  
Heero?  
  
No one knew about him.

Zechs was the only one there, with his caustic opinions and wry sense of humour. He got me drunk, took me home, and tucked me in – fending off my advances with quiet amusement – and returned home to his wife Lucrezia...

Only to find her in another man's arms.

He beat the lover nearly to death, went outside, and put a bullet in his head.

His _dear_ sister denounced him publicly, saying that his actions were "deplorable", that he was a "disgrace", and "no son of the Peacecraft family."

The bitch didn't even attend his funeral.

Never mind that he had done in his life had been for her sake. Never mind that he had renounced his rightful claim to the Sank Kingdom in her favour. Never mind that he was her only brother....

Relena was only ever concerned with her public image.  
  
--------

OWARIII!!!  
  
....I killed Zechs. [goes into shock]

Next chappie up soon, I promise....oh my GOD. I KILLED Zechs. I'm never going to get over this...sobs  
  
Opinions on how this should end?? I have two endings written, but that means the story will end in the next chapter... I'll let you guys decide, I still dunno. No spoilers on here, though!!! Mwahahahahahaha!! You'll have to email me and bribe me with inflatable Zechs dolls and chibi Epyon stuffed toys!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahhaaaarrrrrrrr.  
  
Xtine the Pirate


	4. Death

Mwahahahahahahaaaaaa!! In record time, Xtine the pirate brings you chapter 3!!  
  
**Xtine's damnably logical voice**: Could that be because you've already _written_ the story, you just needed to type it??  
  
**Xtine the Pirate: **ahhh.. good point....  
  
**_Disclaimer:_ Why am I still doing these? I do own it! I DO!  
  
Future Xtine: **Careful, or I'll have to sue you... er, me.  
  
**Xtine the Pirate: **Bloody law school.  
  
...er, moving right along....  
  
Again, I must protest that I have nothing against Duo at all!!! eyes rabid, knife wielding Duo fans ((cough JEN cough)) with trepidation I mean, look! I LOVE Zechs, he's my koi, and I killed him!! goes into shock again  
  
....wait. That argument wasn't _exactly_ in my favour, was it.... Nevermind.  
  
This one's for Kagirinai!! [[hugs]]

**Chapter 3:** Death

I had hated that day, still hated the memory of that day. So few people were there...so few who had cared enough to attend.

Quatre hadn't....

Trowa hadn't....

Even Wufei was there only for the sake of duty; Zechs being a fellow Preventer.

I could see the uneasiness in the eye of the handful of his cowrkers who had been bullied into going. They knew that they didn't belong there. I could see it in their wandering, restless eyes, hear it in the whispering rustle of their clothing as they shifted uncomfortably.  
  
And in their eyes.... uneasiness, yes...

...and relief.

Zechs wasn't an easy person to get along with; he was caustic, arrogant, and short-tempered. He was likeable enough, unless he thought someone was a complete idiot, but even those he liked could never completely be relaxed around him. He was too intense. Only another former Gundam Pilot could really understand that.

After all; everyone knew that Zechs had tried to destroy the Earth Sphere when he had been the Leader of White Fang. Everyone knew he was the "Lightning Count" of Oz infamy. Everyone knew he was violent, how he had beaten a man half to death before killing himself.

No one knew _him_, except for Treize....

The others were merely glad he was gone.

The only other face that held a shadow of sincerity on that somber, black shrouded day was Lady Une. She had never approved of Zechs when in Oz, but they had been friends, after a fashion, later on. She understood about Treize. If they didn't agree, at least there was no lies between them. Unlike Noin, who hovered on the fringes of the crowd, tears and rain streaking her mascara, though I saw the new diamond ring on the chain about her neck.

She was there to be comforted, to be granted some sort of closure.

It made me laugh.

((Death could grant you your absolution, but Shinigami hates liars....))

The memory of the Oz pilot was discarded by the rest of the world, save us three. Two would remember him with fondness. One with fear; if Death had his way. Poor Lucrezia would be terrified by the whispering sound of her former lover's voice in the night, sounds of footsteps on the stairs to keep her awake.

A final apology from the God of Death to a fallen Angel of the Dawn.

He had been forgotten, save for the grim echo of past transgressions. His was a name with which to threaten unruly children --- "_Go to bed now, or the Demon King Zechs Merquise will take you down to hell on his red dragon" ---_ the name endured. Perhaps it would have made him smile.  
  
Even Lucifer was an angel before he fell.  
  
Zechs had been forgotten. Just like me.  
  
**::_I won't be ignored_::  
**  
**--------  
  
OWARI!!!  
  
Hee hee, the plot thickens! What did Duo have to apologize for, that he would take his spare time to rig Noin's house and thus torment the evil woman?? What will he do next????  
  
...good question.  
  
((sorry this chapter was so short! Will make it up to you!!))  
  
_You are getting sleepy... your cursor is being drawn inexorably towards the "review" button... at the count of three, you will wake up, and leave a lovely – or not – review of my story...._**

1.....  
  
2....  
  
3!!!!!!!! 


	5. Darkness

**Disclaimer: **I mean, really people! Do you honestly _think_ that if I owned Gundam Wing I would be spending my time writing these horrifically angsty fics to torment the characters?! I would have done it in the series!!!!!!!  
**  
Just kidding! However, if I _did_ own the series, I would have a plushie Zechs doll.  
  
Zechs: [[sighs and shakes his head]] **She's impossible....**  
**

Again, extended italic sequences denote flashbacks. Items in **bold**, between ::colons::, are the song lyrics. Items between ((double brackets)) are Duo's thoughts. All clear? I had to change it, due to ff.n's funky formatting. All chapters are being thus updated. Grr.**  
  
This Chappie's for Jennykins! -- **My Liana-chan [[purr]], for making me write, and not killing me when I'm mean to her Duo—luv. Sorry about that.

June 25, 2004  
  
**Chapter 4: Darkness  
  
**The gun under my pillow was still loaded. It was a habit I had picked up from Heero; one I hadn't been able to rid myself of. I kept it, just in case.

In case of _what_, I was no longer entirely sure.

In case he came back?  
  
What could I possibly have to say to him, to a boy who could be so amazingly gentle and yet so cold, so cruel? What would I say to the one who had let me paint pictures of a golden future after the war, only to abandon me to the dreary grays of reality. He had broken my heart crushed it fine as sand, tiny little fragments beyond repair. What would I say to him....?  
  
"_Hey Heero, it's been awhile! Yeah, not much going on, I tried to kill myself a while back, but it's cool, Zechs stopped me. Did your slut girlfriend tell you that her brother shot himself?"  
_

Ridiculous.

----  
  
_It would be so easy to let go.  
  
The reflection in the warped and broken mirror grinned crookedly back at me, crimson specks from its bloodied hands flecking the glass and its pale skin. Wild blue eyes gleamed from beneath unkempt bangs, flashing with some sinister fire. _

((This is what Heero saw. No wonder he left. They've all left, haven't they?))

_Crystal tears, tracing white lines down cheeks smudged with crimson warmth.  
_

((Why did you bother to fight for peace, Duo?))

_The apparition spoke to me in a soothing voice that sounded so familiar. A voice without sound, but so clearly heard in my head...It hugged its knees to its chest as it spoke, a haunted little boy who had naïvely thought he knew about life and love and friendship.  
  
Stupid, idealistic little fucker._

((Peace only breeds complacency and indifference.))  
  
_...Indifference to what becomes of those we love. Sad, really._

((War throws people together, makes them see the importance of those they love.))  
  
_...just as Heero loved me, once...  
_

((Peace couldn't exist without war, Duo. Duo...Duo...?))  
  
"..._Duo!"  
_

_An angel materialized out of the gloom in a ray of piercing light that made me flinch, bringing with him the scent of wind and rain, endless skies. An angel of unearthly beauty who gently pulled the gun from my trembling fingertips; who looked at me with such pity._

_His cool hand brushed my forehead, easing the throbbing ache there, dispelling some of the fog that clouded my mind. _

_An empty bottle was held up for my inspection. It shimmered like a mirage, wavering in front of my blurring vision. _

_Words, blending together; a rich, sonorous voice that caressed my abused senses. _

_A finger snap, sharp before my face. I blinked._

_"How many...pills......you take? ......Duo......I said......"_

_Chill fingers caressed my burning cheek, a sweet touch of heaven in the fires of hell._

"_Shit......need...take you......hospital............Ambulance..."_

_Heero had looked into Relena's eyes and had seen an angel there. By comparison, all I was was a demon, a bringer of death. But I saw the truth where my Perfect Soldier did not. Death saw the shadows that swarmed like flies in the wake of that sweet smile...and Death saw who the true 'angel' in the family really was. Lucifer had once been the brightest Angel in Heaven... I saw him still as that. The true angel...and the true devil._

_Relena had sent her share of souls to dwell in Shinigami's brilliant shadow._

_At least Zechs and Treize didn't hide behind the mask of pacifism. They had no need of such deceptions. Relena condemned soldiers to life in her days of peace, as with a smile, she had sentenced so many to die in the times of war. And she damned her brother. Her hands were far more bloodstained. _

_Strong arms lifted me easily, bearing me out of the deep and blood—stained night into the clear light of dawn..._

**::Time won't heal this damage any more::**

..._waking up hurts._

_I stared blankly at the white ceiling tiles for a long time, willing the dull pain behind my eyes to recede. The air smelled sterilized and medicinal, the walls were a clinical, detached mint green. _

_I sat up, blinking, slowly taking in my surroundings: the IV stuck in the back of my hand, the nurses walking purposefully down the hallway, shoes clicking..._

_..Zechs asleep in a chair next to my bed..._

_The shock of seeing him made me jump, clasping at my head as the room lurched sickeningly. Once my vision had cleared however, I couldn't look away from him. I had never before realized how...beautiful...Zechs really was. I hadn't been unaware of his being handsome, certainly, but..._

_...but seeing him asleep, I felt as if I saw him for the first time...through Treize's eyes, perhaps._

_Purple-grey shadows were smudged under his eyes, the silvery curtain of his hair falling over one shoulder. Lips slightly parted in slumber, the sharp lines of tension absent from his face...it made me realize, suddenly, how very young we were. _

_It was bitter knowledge._

_As though somehow alerted to my wakefulness, Zechs opened his eyes to glare at me._

_"Fucking _idiot!_" he snapped, stretching. I winced in sympathy as his back cracked audibly, the vertebrae falling into their proper alignment. "What the _hell_ were you thinking, Maxwell?"_

_"He hasn't come back yet," I whispered miserably, pulling my knees up to my chest and studying my bandaged hands intently. _

_His expression softened somewhat, a melancholy smile twisting his lips. "Sometimes they don't come back. It's better to forget."_

_"Well what would you know about it?" I spat at him, despair and fury sharpening my words into cruel spikes, "Treize won't ever come back to you, he's dead! At least I can hope."_

_My gripped the flimsy fabric of the sheet covering my knees tightly. "Heero will come back for me, he _promised_. I have that to hold on to, Zechs. You have _nothing_ to hope for."_

_His face went pale with anger, something dark flaring in his crystalline eyes. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. _

_"Thank you for reminding me, Duo," he said quietly ."Where there's life, there's hope, is that it? Is that the tired cliché you're cowering behind?"_

_I didn't reply, staring fixedly at the bone white sheet._

_"The sort of hope that ends in an overdose on painkillers and a gun to the head? How optimistic of you." His voice was laden with acid sarcasm as he continued, "You're right; that _is_ something to pray for, because after you're dead, Heero can live to regret running away from you. He'll see just how petty all of his arguments for leaving you were, realize that you were the only thing that made his life worth living. How clever of you." He made a helpless gesture with one hand, leaning back in his chair to glare at the ceiling._

_I caught the motion out of the corner of my eye, but I didn't turn. I couldn't face him._

_"Maybe, if you're really lucky, Heero will return in time to see you die, Duo."  
  
All the anger was gone from his voice abruptly, leaving only a resigned bitterness that was harder to bear. _

_"You'll die in front of him, so he can realize that your death was his fault, and that he could do _nothing_ to save you. He can live the rest of his life with that guilt. Is that what you want?" he laughed sharply. "Don't preach to me about _hope._ You were right, I don't have anything to hope _for..._but if that's what your version of it is, then maybe I'm the one who's lucky."_

_"He promised."_

_A bitter laugh escaped him, harsh with the sharp edge of tears. He cupped my cheek roughly, forcing me to meet his disdainful gaze. A flicker of pity crossed those icy depths, a gentle caress on my face._

_"_So did Treize._"_

_With that, he stood and left the room, leaving me to my misery, as I had mocked him with his._

_-----_

Two days later, I was released from the hospital. Two days later, Hilde left me.

Zechs found me and got me cheerfully smashed... we didn't speak of what had come before. I didn't say anything to him, though I could see the hurt still lurking deep within his eyes....

It was that evening that he killed himself.

I had never apologized to him, had never thanked him for saving me.

_**::Don't turn your back on me::**_

****I still wonder if his death wasn't my fault.

((where there's life, there's hope...))

The gun under my pillow was still loaded....

Zechs was right.

I had lost hope a long time ago.

**_::I won't be ignored::_**  
_  
(((A/N, it could end there, implying that poor Duo kills himself...))  
  
----OR----  
  
**::Don't turn your back on me::**_

****I still wonder if his death wasn't my fault.

Zechs was right, an empty bottle of pills and a gun to my head wasn't _hope_.

I had lost hope a long time ago.

That bullet wasn't meant for me....

**::I won't be ignored::**

_ Heero, Death doesn't care much for oath—breakers. _

_------  
  
_Owari!  
  
Ok, so vote on which ending you prefer, mateys! Of course, with the second one, I probably _could_ get around to writing another chappie or two, involving Duo tracking the scum bag down and giving him what for.... [[shrugs]] Dunno. That's what you're here for. Let me know, okee? I'm COUNTING on you!!!  
  
...I'll be snuggling with my Zechs and dreaming up bad comedies while I wait....  
  
Xtine the Pirate**_  
_**  
_  
_


End file.
